Literally, I have 5 minutes, so here we go.

1) Exercise class-Ugh! Our instructor seems like a perfectly nice person, very encouraging, lots of positive reinforcement. I still hate her. Is this normal? Seriously, if she says the word "lunge" one more time...

2) We signed up for the very same class in November and December.

3) Online Blogging Course-It is week 2 and I am already behind! One of the reasons this has to be done in 5 minutes. I have 3 more blog posts to write today! (Don't look for them here.)

4) Really looking forward to the New York trip BUT...have about one million things to get done before then. Stressing me out!

5) October=CRAZY! Thanksgiving, Little One's Birthday, Halloween. Those are given. Then, we have added indoor soccer, a fundraising function (including a video to edit) for MEOW, and the aforementioned exercise class, online blogging course and New York trip. You're right, I just like to say New York trip. It makes me smile. :-)

Have a good weekend, everyone. 

Comment (11)

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking about the kind of person I would like to be. Maybe it has something to do with reading books like Eat, Pray, Love and The Happiness Project. Maybe it is part of a midlife crisis. More likely it is the extension of thoughts I have had frequently since having children. The moment they were born and began to grow into the people they are meant to be, I have felt the need to not only discover the person I am meant to be, but be the best version of that person that I can. No big deal. Should be easy.

Lately, as I read and think and make changes in my life, one word keeps coming into my mind. Grace. I repeat it in my head as I wait for my children to go to sleep, or answer an email that isn't easy, or listen to my fitness instructor suggest one more set of lunges. Grace. 

The thing is, I don't even know where this word came to me from. One moment I was thinking "If I have to do this one more time..." and the next moment I was thinking "Grace." And I liked the sound of the word. Just saying it calmed me. Then I thought, maybe this is what I aspire to be. Grace.

So, I looked it up. On Dictionary.com, there are no less than 20 definitions of the word Grace. Hmmm. This is going to be trickier than I thought. But clearly some of them ("...an allowance of time after a debt or  bill has become payable...") were not at all related to my thoughts about my life. At least, not at this time. So, what does "grace" mean to me.

When I see myself as grace in my mind, I see calm, serenity, happiness, acceptance, giving, generosity, openness, kindness. I also see someone (me?) who moves and acts with purpose, forethought and consideration of others. Someone who knows who they are, and is confident as well as humble. And maybe the most critical aspect I attribute to grace is patience. With others and myself. Yes, this is what I aspire to be. No big deal. Should be easy.

The dictionary definitions that stood out to me were:

-elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion or action

-favour or goodwill

-moral strength

-willingly, ungrudgingly  (with good grace)

And one more, from Classical mythology...

 -Graces, the goddesses of beauty, daughters of Zeus and Eurynome, worshiped in Greece as the Charities, and in Rome as the Gratiae

It is the Greek and Roman names that I found particularly appealing. Beauty and charity and strength and goodwill and...Grace. It is a lofty goal. I will do my best.

Comment (8)

"I want to be a part of it... New York, New York."

Air Miles Flights Booked! (A challenge in itself.)

Hotel Reserved! (Second mortgage needed.)

Babysitter(s) Confirmed! (Thank goodness for Grandparents.)

Tickets to Opening Night of "RAIN!" On Broadway Promised!

WE ARE GOING TO NEW YORK CITY, BABY!!!!

It all started with a tiny little plan based on a flyer in the mailbox that said "Fairmont $99 a night."

We thought we could use a couple nights away without the kids, so we decided we would go in September. Fortunately, we totally left the whole plan until the last minute, and although we had a babysitter lined up, we could not get a hotel room. 

Meanwhile, months ago...

Paul did some work for the promotion of "RAIN: A Tribute to the Beatles" Broadway debut. We half joked about going to see the Opening Night in New York. Then, he found out recently that his name will be in the program. Add that to the fact that our September weekend seemed to be a bust, and what other excuse do we need!

A pleading phone call to our fantastic babysitter AKA: Grandma, an email to Paul's client requesting show tickets, one excruciatingly long phone call to Air Miles, and a visit to hotels.ca and we are set. I am so excited!!!

It has been a while since we have been anywhere without the kids, and neither of us has ever been to New York City, so it will be fun to discover it together. We will be there 3 days, 4 nights. So, anyone reading this, if you have been to New York, dream of going there, or have watched every episode of Friends one hundred times...

What should we do while visiting the Big Apple???

Comment (10)

Someone sent me a link to a very nice video the other day, where mothers are holding up signs that give a statement they would tell themselves before they actually had children. There were things like "Sleep Now" and "You are the expert" and a couple of my favourites were "This too shall pass" and "Nobody really knows what they are doing." And then there was this one..."Google doesn't have children." It made me think.

A couple of weeks ago I typed this sentence into the Google search bar. "Why is my 9 year old son so angry?" What came up was not of list of so-called experts with lists of possible disorders that require my immediate attention and hospitalization. (I was half expecting that, actually.) Instead, I found sites and forums and blogs with parents asking the same question, and other parents offering encouragement and support, with story after story of children in this age group having similar "growing pains."  I breathed a sigh of relief.

Now,  the statement "Google doesn't have children." is absolutely correct. But what Google (and the internet in general) does have is parents. Parents who have experience. Parents who have ideas. Parents who have been there. And, although I am not suggesting we throw away all common sense and believe every bit of child rearing information we find online, I do think that sometimes all a worried parent needs is to know their child is okay. That what they are going through is in the normal range, and that there are things the parent can do to help. To know they are not the only one.

What the internet gives you is not just the parents you know, who can be a great source, but limited to their own experiences, which may be very different from yours. Google gives you access to the whole world of parents, as well as doctors and nurses and "experts." One giant community of parenting support. 

Of course, the flip side of that is that you can find online a disorder for just about any set of descriptors. Runny nose, itchy hands, slight limp. Polio! (I totally made that up so please don't take your child to the doctor based on it.) Just like any source of information, you need to use your own judgment when deciding what to act on, and  always look for multiple sources. Even doctors sometimes need a second, and third opinion.

I use the internet as my immediate source of information. (You don't type the above sentence into a search bar unless you are at the end of your rope.) Usually, what I see and read calms me down, assures me that things are as they should be and I just need to deal. I will, in this case, still watch for signs of bigger issues, use all my faculties to teach coping mechanisms, and wait for the day when I will type into Google "Why is my 10 year old son so quiet?" I know the Google Parents will have some suggestions. 

Comment (6)

I know, some of you are gasping! "What? I have to choose one or the other!?!?" Yes, yes you do. Choose now and live with that choice forever. Which would you choose? Until recently, my choice would have been television, without a doubt.

Of course, you don't have to choose. And, in fact, with Kindles and iPads and adaptations, you can have them both, all the time, all rolled up into one experience.  

This is where I must admit to my biggest vice. My name is Shawna and I am a TV addict.  Oh, you think I am exaggerating, but it was baaaaddd. When I was a teenager, I would watch TV all day and all evening all summer long. When my English teacher assigned a novel for us to read, I would immediately go to the video store and search for a movie version. (There was almost always a movie version.) It wasn't that I didn't like reading. It just seemed that watching the movie was faster and easier. Left more time for watching TV.

Thus, in Grade 12 I decided I would work in television. Two years of school, and I landed a job at CTV. My job was to watch TV for 8 hours. And they PAID me for it!?! Jackpot!!! Then, I decided, for reasons I can't even remember, to go to University. I scheduled my classes around my TV job and my favourite shows, and then I started doing something I had done before, but never quite put my heart into. READING!

You see, in University, I soon found out, they make you read stuff like Aristotle and Chaucer and Alice Munro. No movie versions for those. And, in University, they expect you to know  what these people wrote about. So, I read... and read... and read. And I liked it!

All this reflection comes about because I have once again started reading. And I have stopped watching television. (I still watch movies and one or two programs we PVR, let's not get crazy.) After having children, I found myself so exhausted at the end of the day, or any other time, to think about anything but staring at a screen and letting someone else think for me. But a couple of months ago, things shifted.

Summer...nothing on TV. Getting kids to sleep takes most of the evening. A friend blogger writes about books she's read. And there was a huge stack of books on my nightstand I had not even looked at. So, one evening, I picked one of them and started reading. And I have not stopped since. I read 3 books over the summer, and have started a new one this week. (I have been reading it so frequently, I am almost done already, but it's okay, I have another waiting.) I actually went to see a movie based on a book, and was so unsatisfied with it, I bought the book to read. What has happened to me?

I am addicted to books! (And I actually like the fact that I get to be a part of these characters lives for longer than a couple of hours.) I am not sure why it has happened now. And I am not sure how long it will last, but I am happy to ride this wave for the duration. Now, if only I could convince my kids to turn off the tube.

Books:

Once In A Lifetime by Cathy Kelly

American On Purpose by Craig Ferguson

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

I highly recommend them all!

PS: My children all love books, but like me, they also love television, computers and video games. And it is hard to pull yourself away from those bright, glowing screens to make time for books. I know. Children do learn more from our actions than our words, so maybe my new obsession will wear off on them. It certainly was never my motivation, but it could be a happy side-effect, don't you think?

Comment (10)

AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

1. The Little One just screamed at me because he wanted the red band-aid on his finger...no, his arm...no, his finger!!!

2. Then, in an unrelated incident, while I was on the phone, he slammed the fridge door so hard, the top shelf on the door broke (it did not fall off, it BROKE), and everything fell all over the fridge!!!

3. I watched the movie "The Road" the other night. In it, there is never any sunshine, just clouds, thunder, lightning and rain all the time. Depressing, especially when it appears we are living in that very apocalypse right here in Calgary!!!

4. I wanted to take The Little One (and his older brothers) to see the new Thomas movie tomorrow morning at 10:30am. The Older Boys have indoor soccer tryouts this weekend, which I just found out takes place...tomorrow morning at 10am!!!

5. We have an old toy vacuum in the basement,  which The Little One just discovered. He was perfectly happy playing with it in it's non-turned-on silent mode. His Older Brothers came home from school, and would have none of that. They promptly showed him where the "On" switch is. Thanks, Boys!!!

It is not as bad as it sounds. I was just having a moment. The band-aid is now in the garbage, I am trying not to cry over spilled milk, I see one little, tiny bit of blue sky among all the grey clouds, I have actually seen enough Thomas movies to last me a lifetime, and the toy vacuum actually picks up a little dust. Ooooh, and something exciting (for me) might be happening in October. Not quite sure yet, but maybe. Really shouldn't mention it, but I am a little excited. Forget it, I can't say just yet. DON"T ASK!!! 

(I know, I'm mean! Hee hee.)

Comment (4)

He calls it "Pretty School" and he has been talking about going there for months, since the first time we stopped by to pick up the information package. Even last week, when his brothers started Grade 4, he wanted to go to school, too. But in the last few days, it became increasingly apparent that he was starting to realize what going to "Pretty School" would really mean. New kids. New situation. New place. New teachers! And NO Mommy. 

I didn't want to make him anxious, but he needed to know the truth, and be at least a little prepared for what was about to happen. I thought I knew how he would react, and the morning went basically how I thought it would, with a few little surprises along the way.

Last night before bed, I read him Dr. Seuss' "Oh, the places You'll Go!" I'm not sure he grasped the symbolic significance. And then...

7:04am I hear The Little One get up, but as usual, he does not come to get me. Today, he does not go wake up his brothers, either. He sits on the couch and yells "I want to watch TV!" Paul gets up.

7:25am I hear The Little One playing his cymbals, and one of his older brothers trying to get him to be quiet and go downstairs. The Older Boy mentions that today is the first day of pre-school, which is what makes me get out of bed.

7:30-8:30am I check email and facebook, make lunches, get myself dressed and ready. I say "Make yourself some breakfast. Turn the TV off. Get dressed, please. Did you brush your teeth? There is an empty Pringles can in your backpack. You need to pick a summer treasure to take to school. Are you finished with this milk? Put on your socks. Are your teeth brushed? Did you decide on a treasure yet? Turn that TV off!" I dress The Little One in dark blue jeans, and a white button shirt. (The pre-school has a dress code, which I find very irritating, by the way.) I make sure he uses the potty before we leave.  

Surprise #1: While I am getting ready to go, the Older Boys invent a game they call "Pre-Pre-School" with the Little One. They draw pictures and show him what school will be like. He seems much calmer after this game.

8:30am  I pour myself a coffee-to-go and grab the camera. We all get our shoes and jackets on, and pile into the car. I can see a little worry on his face again now.

8:40am We arrive at pre-school, leave the Older Boys in the car, and make our way inside, with dozens of other parents and little ones, some new to the situation, others returning to a familiar place. 

8:50am After finding The Little One's coat hook, depositing our "donated" school supplies, and taking a quick look around, Paul leaves to drive the Older boys to school.

8:55am After finally convincing him to wear his indoor shoes, and not convincing him to wear his name tag, I take the Little One over to the pre-school director, say goodbye, one kiss and I turn around and walk out the door. He is crying behind me.

Surprise #2: I am strangely not emotional. I am so focused on doing what I need to do so he can do what he needs to do, I don't feel sad or upset or teary. I do feel anxious. How long and loud will he scream???

8:55:30am I stand outside...waiting. Paul is not back yet, so I just wander around the parking lot. 

9:00am Paul picks me up and we go home. We have a leisurely breakfast together on a Tuesday morning. Weird. I only check my cell phone 21 times during breakfast.

9:20-10am Hmmm. Really should have had something planned to do while waiting. I resort to unloading the dishwasher and sweeping the floor.

10:12am We return, and go in a minute early hoping to sneak a peak at what is going on. They are tricky, those pre-school people. There is no way to peak in. We wait in the hall until the director comes out. As we are waiting, we hear a couple of cries, and try to decide if they sound like ours. Turns out, they weren't. When we went in, he was totally fine, playing with beads and interacting nicely with his teacher.  Surprise #3.

I have absolutely no idea what happened during that hour and a half. The Little One was not a great source of information. There may have been a snack. He may have gone pee in the bathroom. There were definitely, according to him, some kids and teachers, and a "worm chair"??? Sounds good so far.

"...you're off to great places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way!"

Comment (7)

I'm not sure if it's because he's almost 3, and maybe he feels he has been way too easy on us during the last year. Or maybe it is his version of Karma for all the changes we are introducing into his young life lately. Whatever the reason, my day began with The Little One screeching from the bottom of the stairs, "MOMMY, GET ME MILK NOW!!!" and it just got "better" after that.

After my calm, sleepy explanation about how you will get what you want much faster when using a polite, respectful manner, The Little One tells me his brothers are still sleeping (possible, but doubtful) and Daddy is still sleeping (highly doubtful) and so I turn on the TV to give me a few minutes to make coffee and use the bathroom.

Things go pretty smoothly until The Older Boys go to school. They all eat breakfast together, The Little One decides he'd like to walk his brothers to school with Daddy, so I get him dressed, he has only a minor problem with putting his socks on, but agrees when I tell him his feet will be cold. (I am sure that will stop working soon. His older brothers certainly do not care if they will be cold.)

When he gets back from the school, things fall apart. Or maybe I should say HE falls apart. It starts with getting his shoes off, which takes to long for his liking. The socks were still a problem, so I removed them as well. Then, he gets upset with the zipper on his jacket, and after that, nothing is right and he cannot be consoled. He screams, and screams, and screams.

He screams about being downstairs. He screams about being upstairs. He screams about the location of his toys cars. He screams about the location of his blanket, which clearly belongs on the couch and not in his bed. Lesson learned. He screams so much his nose starting running, and then he screams for a tissue. He throws the tissue on the floor and screams some more. It is such an impossible situation for me and for him, because there is no solution (that I am aware of).

I feel bad for The Little One. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be in a state where nothing is right, and everything makes you feel so much emotion and frustration that you simply must scream. And you can't control it. And you can't stop. I try to console him. That makes him scream, too.

So, eventually he just lays on the floor screaming for a while, and I sort of ignore him. I stop interacting with the screaming but stay in the room to keep an eye on him. After a little bit, he begins playing with his cars, and seems calmer. But he has still been agitated all day. Uncooperative. Unpredictable. Unusual...for him. But still, typically two.

It took him over an hour to fall asleep at nap time. I hope he has a good, long rest. And I hope he knows that he has only a month and a half left until he is three. I am expecting everything to be much different then. For better or worse...

Comment (6)

It is September. And to me, September has always felt more like the beginning of a new year than January. You have to take into account that I was in school for a good portion of my life, 2 years of kindergarten, 12 years of public school, 2 years in college and then 7 years (and I don't even have a masters! Don't ask.) in university. That's 23 years of my life where the year began in September. Add to that all those years working in television, where everyone knows the new season starts in the fall, and it is no wonder when August draws to an end, I feel like making resolutions and starting new things. It is A New Year!

In the spirit of the new year, our family seems to be embracing the idea of starting new things, this year especially. Of course, the Older Boys are starting school. They are also playing indoor soccer for the first time (they have played outdoor in the Spring for several years), which starts in the next few weeks. The Little One will start pre-school next week. My husband and I are starting an exercise class in two weeks. This is a big deal for me because I hate exercise. Seriously. Hate it. This is why I usually stick to walking and yoga, which don't feel much like exercise at all. But, maybe taking the class together will make it less...yucky. I guess I will have lots to blog about in the next while. What I am really excited about is that for the first time in quite a few years, I am taking a class! 

It is an online course offered by Mount Royal College Continuing Education, and it is called "Blogging: From Concept to Cash". We shall see what changes the New Year brings!

Comment (7)

Okay, technically Summer is not over for 3 more weeks, but we live here in Alberta, and we all know when Summer really ends. And Summer holidays are about to end, school is about to start, and I am about to cry. Just kidding, but August has been a crazy month, and I really don't want it to end yet.

Here are some of the things we did in August that make me want it to last a little longer...

July 31 Family reunion and town centennial in New Norway, Alberta (A wonderful long day of family, food and mosquitoes. We were in a parade!)

Aug 2 Barbecue with friends. (More good food, friends, kids and just a bit of rain.)

Aug 3-7 Sylvan Lake (Beach, ice cream and playground fun.)

What is wrong with these pictures???

We have a picture of these two like this from every year.

Aug 7 Another family reunion in Carstairs, AB (More family, food and good times.)

And the Little One learns a new skill in a Carstairs playground.

Aug 8 Nephew's Birthday Party (Kids, cake and even more good times.)

Aug 9 Day at the Zoo (The new carousel is awesome!)

Aug 10-12 Visiting with my Mom (AKA: Shopping, gossiping and drinking coffee.)

Aug 12 Dinosaurs Alive! at Saddledome (Life size dinosaurs, really a fun show.)

Aug 15 Inlaws backyard anniversary party (40 years! They are an inspiration. And their back yard is lots of fun.)

Aug 16-20 Daycamps, 9am-noon Art Camp for Older Boys and 9:10-10:25am Preschool camp for Little One

Aug 18 Afternoon at water park/playground with friends. (It was an unusually hot day for his summer. Wish we could have done this more often!)

Aug 19-24 My brother and his girls come to visit. (More family time!)

Aug 20 Globalfest. (Fireworks! Fantastic! We will do this again next year.)

Aug 21 Sleepover for Older Boys, and Block Party for the rest of us. (With Paul playing and us crashing the party.)

Aug 22 Black Eyed Peas concert. (A great way to celebrate our anniversary.)

Aug 23 Calaway Park all day. (I don't think we missed a single ride.)

Aug 27-29 Tipi Camping in Kananaskis. (Regardless of the weather, we will do this again next year, too.)

So, August was dedicated to our families. It was busy, but the kind of busy that makes you want to be busy all the time. I miss it already!

Comment (4)